Friday, 2 March 2012

Silent Conversations

"Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it." – C.S. Lewis

I once read about a man who was so angry and dissatisfied with his life that he found himself yelling at a bowl of cereal...and it seems that he’s not alone - there’s a page on Facebook titled ‘Yelling at inanimate objects’, with over 2.25 million likes. From time to time, particularly during summer or the football season, I tend to have conversations with the rain. I ask it to stop. I beg it to stop. Why won’t it stop? In this world, it’s too easy to let ourselves be disappointed.  We yell at the toaster when it burns our toast. We yell at the concrete when it stubs our toes. We yell at the grass when it makes us itch. We live; it seems, in an unfair world.

What I’d like to focus on specifically though, are our silent conversations. This life is full of them. I use the term ‘conversation’ very loosely because the term ‘monologue’ also comes to mind. Paper doesn’t reply when we curse it for giving us a paper cut. Dolls and soft toys never talk back or give us advice (much to my dismay as a little boy). These conversations are fuelled and generated by the mind.

Before any big speech, you’re never surprised when the orator is seen talking to themselves and gathering their thoughts. One thing I observed while playing cricket and watching it on TV is that as a batsman, you talk to yourself and pump yourself up just before the ball is bowled. What drives us to do this? Who are we talking to? Personally, when there’s a lot on my mind, I love talking out loud because it somehow brings me to a faster decision, or a hastened moment of clarity. I suppose the real danger with these monologues or silent conversations is not the fact that we have them (because they’re essentially the workings of our mind), but rather the fact that what is said often leads us astray. It’s not rocket science, how we behave is often a reflection of how we feel.

The one-way conversations we have with inanimate objects don’t bother me. They’re a way of venting. However, the negative conversations we sometimes have with ourselves in private, or write about on tumblr, or wordpress, or blogspot, or facebook...they bother me. We write ourselves off too easily. 

I believe that if we try and try to find flaws in our appearance, or our personality, we will always find them. If we live a life where we prepare to be disappointed, we tend to be disappointed. If we look for pain and anguish, we tend to find pain and anguish. Much in the same way, if we look for goodness, we will find it. If we search for happiness, that love that burns in our hearts, we will find it.

I know people who have silent conversations. They continuously argue with the negative and even suicidal voices within them. Who they are in public is not who they are in private. Why do we let those negative voices overthrow us? The voices that tell us that we're worthless, and that we don’t deserve to smile? I obviously don't have all the answers, and am not going to pretend that I do. I don’t know what people have been through...but I do know that even the best fall down. I find that suffering can shape character, and character, hope. Those disheartening and pessimistic conversations we occasionally (or more frequently for some) have with ourselves - they don't always have to be like that. Our conscience can most definitely sing a different tune.

In the end, my hope is that people never stop searching for that heightened sense of self-worth and rejuvenation. No one should be satisfied with dissatisfaction. No one should be kicked down, only to stay down.

'Ain't nowhere to go but up'. - T.D. Jakes  

Heaps of people around me prove, time and time again, that indomitable happiness can be found in a world that seems to be etched with pain and darkness. It's possible.There is always light...and I’m confident that if we seek it, we will find it. 

P.s. check this out if you have the time! 

Quote Bank: “You do not have to sit outside in the dark. If, however, you want to look at the stars, you will find that darkness is required. The stars neither require it nor demand it.” – Annie Dillard

No comments:

Post a Comment